I'd go back to that 14th, 2014 and tell him that I love him, that's why I was so distant. I'd tell him how I didn't want to hear him call me babe or baby because it hurt so much to feel this strongly about someone who never thought me more than a friend. I'd look into his eyes and tell him I didn't want to live my life outside of his. But things are different now. Today is but a day in 2015, where the only thing the word "love" means to me is what has been lost in my life. I think of being happy and I can't remember a time where I was. I want to be happy, but I don't want it without them. Those that I cannot have. It's a pity that this is the way life is to those who are the most unlucky to have a rocky travel through it. I don't wish to feel this way, if anything I'd like to rip up the negative energy. But, we live in a world where energy cannot be touched, mental wounds cannot be healed, and what's lost emotionally cannot be reattached. That's just how it is, in hardly half of a way have I accepted it yet. I love that kid more than I have been able to love a lot of things. Loving him is so dangerous because we have different versions of love. It alters everything in my life. His mindset and emotions are unaltered. I don't know if I want to take a risk and push for a change that later I might grow to regret. I would never regret the time I spent loving him. But, I've been forced to live a life on the edge of hope, still chasing a destiny I left behind. Loving him is dangerous. But don't worry, I have realized that there won't be any more of that. I realized that
I throw everything way out of proportion.
All those feelings fought by me were nonexistent. I was slapping air and crying blanks. Shit doesn't mean anything anymore, all of that is just the past. Three words of advice for you people,
1. Don't
2. Hold
3. On