Every time I hear your name
The pain still echoes in my mind
Every tear I cried has turned
Into a scar on my heart
I'm unsure when it will go away
I thought we were done
But with you back
I can't control how I'm feeling
Bypassing understanding
....I'm lost
...but they don't understand. They can't understand. You don't understand the concept of not missing something until it's gone, until you actually lose something you desperately loved. For me, this tragedy, opened up an entire home for this saying in my head. I remember the chill of the breeze on that new November day, walking outside with the anticipation of seeing him-- only to realize that I wouldn't be. But most of all, I remember everyday after that, sitting back, watching the conversations fade and feeling the current scenario take an over-exaggerated plot twist. Not only do I recall the pain, but I recall the cancelled plans and faulty promises, all of the things that took me away; all of the things that drove me over the edge. It was like a dream, the kind that you can't remember but wish you did, even more so, the kind you remember but wish you couldn't. All of that disappeared with him, but now with him back in the picture he faded out of, I'm not sure how long I can bear the memory of the loss that I once felt. Truth of it is, I miss him, but unlike so many times before, I now refrain from taking the chance of more bullshit. Lost trust, brokenness, pain, it all haunts me, more and more, every time his eyes become parallel to mine. Every time the sound waves that his voice box produces carry to me, I shake; I shake because it triggers a familiar memory of solace, and I have no more solace left. The love that I used to let burn my judgment away left a singe in my head, this scarred me, and now that wound proves to be fatal, everyday, as I am reminded of what was. The things I know cannot be. But here I prove that loss is inevitable, change is inevitable, and destiny is reality. It is all proven in extensive messes and the fears we face day by day. What you must remember is that there is always an opportunity to correct your mindset, you can push yourself to overcome any obstacle. Time moves on, and that should be motivation enough for you to too.